Saying “no” and setting healthy boundaries were life skills I had to learn on my own. It was not taught at home (hence the lack of boundaries in my younger years) and definitely not taught in school. There really should have been a course, or even a 2-day introductory seminar, somewhere between the birds & the bees and making us take the Presidential Physical Fitness Test, that focused on setting boundaries and teaching people how to say no in healthy ways.
However, I digress. You’re not here for me to tell you how important boundaries are, you already know that and that is why you’re here. First, congratulate yourself for coming to this point and for researching ways to set boundaries. One of the first hallmarks of someone who struggles setting boundaries is their need to please people, so I celebrate that you’re starting to look inward to find ways to put yourself first by setting more boundaries.
It is to you that I present these…
Practical tips for setting boundaries and saying “no” more (and no more!)
- Know your priorities, make a list if you need to: You need clarity on what is important to you before you can set a healthy boundary around it. What is non-negotiable to you? If you need reminders, make a list of what you’re willing and unwilling to accept.
- Your intuition rarely lies, pay more attention to it: Your intuition has your best interests at heart, so why ignore it? There is research that shows our intuition helps us process unconscious information resulting in better and faster decisions.
- Take responsibility for yourself: This may sting, so I’m going to rip off the bandage quickly. You have a responsibility for yourself and your well-being. No matter how much you love or how hard you work, if it’s for someone else, your people pleasing ways will be working against you. Learn to take responsibility for who you are and how you’re showing up, the more ownership you start to take, the more you’ll shift away from living for others and to living for yourself.
- Practice saying no, you need to hear it for yourself to believe it: “No” is a complete sentence. Period. Dot. It’s hard to believe, especially if you never use it that way, but it is the truth. It’ll be uncomfortable at first, so just practice saying “No.” Saying “No” as a complete sentence and nothing else. No explanations, nothing.
- Avoid apologizing…and apologizing…and apologizing: I am actually anti-apologizing anyway, but that’s for another blog post. The firm boundaries you create, or the situations you say “no” to only require your own approval. What other people think about said boundaries is irrelevant (frankly, that’s probably why you need a boundary in the first place). And if we’re being honest, apologizing will not change what someone else thinks of you anyway.
- Consistency wins: Most importantly, with all of this, is consistency. If you establish a boundary, but do not maintain or enforce it, people will keep taking advantage of you. Consistency means following through with the boundaries you’ve created, even if you really aren’t feeling it at that moment. Yes, you can always change your mind and change your boundaries, but check in with yourself first to understand the change (and if it’s real or just your people pleaser coming out to play).
Setting Healthy Boundaries Is A Choice…What Do You Choose?
You have the choice to say “No” and establish boundaries with anyone and everyone in your world.
The key is to choose yourself. I still struggle to this day in setting boundaries, and likely always will to some degree. However, I work at it. I spend time every day self-reflecting and learning, so that I can do better in prioritizing myself and my boundaries. You too can get better with boundaries, you just need to choose to get started and say, no more!
If you’re ready to take an even bigger step to setting more boundaries in your life, schedule a Chemistry Call with me to see how we can work together.
Next Steps On Your Extraordinary Journey, Now With More Boundaries…
- Are you ready for change? Take this quiz to find out if now is the right time to create meaningful change in your life.
- Sign up for 33 days of “Mindset Moments,” daily affirmations designed to start your day out right.
- Download this FREE eBook: Self-Confidence Is A Mindset: 11 Tips to Boost Your Confidence